All Full Up
Sometimes they don't start with a question as much as they start with a statement. She had expressed some sadness about only having one set of Grandparents. I tried to express understanding, but truly this is her challenge. I knew both my Grandmothers, and one Grandfather as a child and even though they have all passed on, I had significant relationships with each of them. She doesn't have the blessing of knowing two very important people in this life. So I asked her what it was like, and what was hard about it.
We had a wonderful discussion about how this affected her. Then she got really quiet.
Me: What kiddo?
Kia: If you or Daddy died right now, I'd want to go with you.
Me: gulp. I can understand feeling that way.
It took me back to when I was a little girl as my Mom battled MS. I would often lay in bed and imagine what it would be like if she died. I would become so upset at the very thought, I would literally cry myself to sleep. I should point out that I would do a very similiar thing when I imagined my dog Buttons dying, but what can I say, I was a tad dramatic. The thing is I could never imagine my life going on in those moments. It was as if I ended with their passing.
Me: It's really hard to lose a Mommy or a Daddy. When my Mommy died, I felt like a part of me that was all full up suddenly became empty.
Kia: runs over to me from her supper plate to put her arms around me.
Me: It took a long time to understand that empty feeling. But I could still do things. I could run, even have fun with my friends, I could pray and feel better - but I still had that empty feeling.
Kia: Do you still have that empty feeling?
Me: No, it's all filled up again.
Me: God gave me Daddy and then God gave us you.
Kia: We filled you up?
Me: You sure did.
Kia: With God's help of course.
Me: Most certainly.