All Full Up

(My Mom and Dad's Engagement Photo)
Kiki and I have heart to hearts all the time lately. These really meaningful conversations pop up on a tri-daily basis. They start so innocently, "Mom, does Jesus really love everybody?", "What makes somebody do such bad things?", "Are there messages from Heaven in our dreams?" Really cool conversations have been born by these simple questions.

Sometimes they don't start with a question as much as they start with a statement. She had expressed some sadness about only having one set of Grandparents. I tried to express understanding, but truly this is her challenge. I knew both my Grandmothers, and one Grandfather as a child and even though they have all passed on, I had significant relationships with each of them. She doesn't have the blessing of knowing two very important people in this life. So I asked her what it was like, and what was hard about it.

We had a wonderful discussion about how this affected her. Then she got really quiet.

Kia: Mom
Me: What kiddo?
Kia: If you or Daddy died right now, I'd want to go with you.
Me: gulp. I can understand feeling that way.

It took me back to when I was a little girl as my Mom battled MS. I would often lay in bed and imagine what it would be like if she died. I would become so upset at the very thought, I would literally cry myself to sleep. I should point out that I would do a very similiar thing when I imagined my dog Buttons dying, but what can I say, I was a tad dramatic. The thing is I could never imagine my life going on in those moments. It was as if I ended with their passing.

Me: It's really hard to lose a Mommy or a Daddy. When my Mommy died, I felt like a part of me that was all full up suddenly became empty.
Kia: runs over to me from her supper plate to put her arms around me.
Me: It took a long time to understand that empty feeling. But I could still do things. I could run, even have fun with my friends, I could pray and feel better - but I still had that empty feeling.
Kia: Do you still have that empty feeling?
Me: No, it's all filled up again.
Kia: How?
Me: God gave me Daddy and then God gave us you.
Kia: We filled you up?
Me: You sure did.
Kia: With God's help of course.
Me: Most certainly.

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