Exploring my word choice for the year. Complete.

Russ and I just had a phone call where I said, "what are we doing wrong? We need to be happier." Happier with this life that we're living right now. It wasn't a cry for help, but a true question, born from the knowledge that life has taken the wheel and we are no longer in the drivers seat.

There definitely is an absence of joy in the journey these days. When I think of my hubby's schedule and all that is required of him, how he spends his day with problem after problem, it's no wonder that he comes home exhausted, lost in thoughts of work, burdened by all that isn't being done while he takes a necessary night off. I think of all the other people that are living like this, but mostly, I think of him.

Does completing tasks in one area of our lives, automatically mean we must go without in another? I'm not a believer in the idea of having it all. I don't think we can have it all, at least not at the same time. But I'm also not a fan of living life out of balance and this is where my inner struggle with "completing" comes into play. In my attempt to achieve balance, I've dropped my need to complete things.

I have these imaginary balance scales in my head. Sometimes they have been filled with other peoples expectations of me. I think if we had a visual of my husbands scales they would be almost entirely filled up by the demands of others, work, church, and family, with no room for some items of his own. I know I have never been happy when I've been in this situation. Yet the idea of shifting the power is terrifying...because we know to do it, one side must temporarily hit bottom.

Things are going to be given up, cut out, and eliminated or like me, you continue onward with a sense of balance but with nothing getting completed or finished. You can live like this, you just give 50% or less to everything required of you. I've lived so long without experiencing anything I set my mind too that I wonder if I even could have a sense of satisfaction anymore. Heaven knows I hope so!

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