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Showing posts from February, 2004

A Farewell

She is in a dark room. Four other girls lay sprawled, haphazardly around the floor of the bedroom, exhausted from a night of teenage giggle fits and facials. The sun is rising outside. She wants to turn a light on, but the response will not be met well by her other cohorts. She rolled back onto her side. A perfect blue sky hung outside the bedroom window. Without warning tears began streaming down her cheek and round her nose. It would be the last night she spent in her friends house and reminders of this were stacked in brown boxes lining the hallways and corners of rooms, once full.

Tears did not stop the day. It was met with goodbyes to her childhood friend, leaving a hollow ache sitting hard in the pit of her stomach. At home she found herself in the library. The floor sunken, with tall shelves of books rising to the ceiling. It was an odd little room, only 6 feet wide and 14 feet long, built around a see through fireplace. The wall facing the fireplace was covered with a long be…

Guilty Mamma

I was remembering how hard things sometimes were for us in Calgary. Money always seemed to poor out of our pockets before we even put it in the bank.

I did papers for 2 years in an effort to financially contribute to the bills. I enjoyed some things, like the exercise, the northern lights, quiet gardens but for the most part, it was hard every single day.
I started working for Enmax in Calgary about one year ago. It was T-F evenings and Saturday days. I worked in the deregulation department. The hard part was Kia would need to be in daycare for a couple hours on the weekdays.

The first few times were so devastating for me. I felt unbelievable guilt. In hindsight it was silly, because the other option would be to starve...so you do what you have to do, right? But my little family really suffered in my absense and after 3 months I decided to stop working. The money was great but I could see cracks forming in the foundation and it just didn't seem worth it.

I was so excited …
ONE

One Saturday when I was about 11, I couldn't find a friend to accompany me to a movie I wanted to see. "Go by yourself," my Grandmother commanded. I did. And I walked home alone, too, taking long, empty sidestreets where I found myself reflecting on the story I'd just seen, mimicking the charcters' accents and mouthing their lines. That day I realized that I could have fun all by myself.

It was a valuable lesson, one that I've had to learn again and again. Like everyone else, I've somtimes equated being alone with being unchosen. But each time I embrace solitude-whether by reading a book, taking myself out to lunch or writing-I've learned that I can choose myself. And when I do, I discover something powerful about myself: the ability to love and validate my own ideas my life in a way no else can. Alone is the place where I find the courage to do that.
SERVICE

Ask and ye shall receive. This lesson has really been hit home over the past few days.

One of the goals Russ and I made for 2004 was to perform more acts of service. We feel so blessed and we know we have a great responsibility to bless the lives of others. So here are a few examples of the opportunities to provide service we have recently received.

Friday, January 30th, I was awoken from sleep by the phone ringing. It was my friend Kim from church. She is a single mom with a 6 year old daughter. Kim is currently seeking her Masters in Education at the University of Alberta. They live in Edmonton housing and do not have a vehicle. I had been concerned about her during the bonechilling cold spell we recently experienced and had phoned a few times to see if I could bring them fresh groceries or just get them out of the house. I ended up watching her daughter, Ocean, a few times that week as Ocean's asthma made it difficult for her to attend school.

On the Friday K…