My Precious

There is a lot of stuff in my world. Things I love, things I'm lucky to have and some things...that really, are just taking up real estate while I'm too busy/lazy to deal with them. I've mentioned Project Purge a post or two ago...still a theme. This post is going to start pretty scattered, but trust me I have a destination.

Let me start this post off by saying: I love those shows on hoarding. I imagine I have a bit of the demon in myself if given the right set of circumstances, so it's fascinating to me, this idea of stuff, the accumulation of junk as identity in society. Driving too work last week I thought about this and some interesting trains of thought were born. The main one I want to explore further being the idea of precious things.

In art and in most creative pursuits - the idea of preciousness is rejected. If something is too precious it will not be utilized and explored. If pretty tubes of paint must always stay that way, they will never be opened. If brushes must remain pristine and perfect they will never pull paint across the canvas. If color can never be splattered on surfaces, art cannot exist. Preciousness will stop creativity in it's tracks.

Isn't it odd that the very outcome we are seeking is what stops us from making the journey? We want to create this lovely thing, but we resist the work because we are unwilling to make the mess that will get the job done. Or adversely we are so happy to have the product to make what we want, and so unsure of using it wisely that we hoard it, resistant to use it, due to lack of further resources to replace it or lack of faith in creating what we envision.

But here is the message for all my creative friends: Time is far more precious. It is more precious than fabric you have yet to sew into a dream dress, more precious than the giant canvas you want to paint, more precious than the family photos you have yet to put up on the wall because the lighting wasn't perfection. Time will not wait on you to realize that even when you are doing it badly, you are still DOING it. You are showing up, you are swinging the bat, you are in the game.

I am working on shifting my focus away from the stuff of art and refocusing on the production of art, on the doing. Much like I'm shifting my focus in my own home away from the accumulation of things to fill my house and instead on making room for life to fit into my space.

I'm probably even going to do it badly, but that's not going to stop me.

Modem free living.

I'm just on the back end of a marathon blog read of my favorite haunts. I'm 45 minutes in and I'm almost caught up on a substantial readathon and I realize...I haven't missed anything. Much like anyone dropping by my own little blog on the interweb, you too, have not missed anything. Life is being lived and I'm pretty happy to say the internet has not been playing a major role in my life these days. Still love it. Still want it. But I really needed the lack of it.

Project Purge

A project that I've been toying with is about fine tuning what is necessary and getting rid of the excess. We have a good sized house for three people, but it is starting to feel squishy and full and items that we don't use are taking up valuable real estate. It's not a systematic purge, I don't have the brain power right now, but it is a daily focus. Managed my tshirt drawer in the bedroom, keeping only items I liked and parting with the rest. Russ now describes that drawer as "sexy". He said it not me, but I gotta tell ya, it was super motivating. Every little step is a step in the right direction.

Life Update

• Can't believe we are almost at the halfway mark of Grade 7. Where does the time go?
• Looking at getting Kia in some archery classes for the Spring, if you know of any great teachers, message me on Facebook or give me a call.
• Everytime I think how the weather sucks for me, Roopert has it 10x worse because at least I get to use an indoor bathroom. He will often step outside, lift his leg, just as his body passes the door frame, do the deed, and then pop back in. Can't blame him, though it's going to mean a new backstair mat for the spring!
• The drive...oh the drive. Actually it's not been bad. The car hasn't failed me yet, and the roads have been tolerable, some super icy patches but for the most part, as long as you don't need to brake or turn, you're golden.
• Work is getting busy...YAY. I love me a busy work day. Struggling a bit in our very noisy and busy office of 4 women, but headphones help. Still on the laptop and can really feel my eyes fatiguing faster and faster every week. A new computer finally did arrived for me but it was a 64 bit baby, packed with developer software, that was a mis order. Ya, I probably don't need a $25,000 computer to do my job thanks. So the wait begins, again. Sigh.
• The big guy starts a new job on Monday. He's exploring the Industrial side of construction. I tell you, us Workman's are doing everything differently in 2012. Geesh!

New Year...with Pasta...

Don't think I mentioned that I got a pasta maker for Christmas...got and became the pasta maker actually. Check out me making some homemade cheese ravioli. The big guy thought I was a pasta savant...it was that good. I infused some garlic into some clarified butter and topped each ravioli with a drizzle of garlic butter, a steamy rich spoonful of delicious tomato sauce and some freshly grated parmesan. Divinity.
Trying some new things in the studio. Taking my paint out of my sweet little storage boxes and having them within arms reach. Think shallow shelving may be the way to go here, but for now, this is working.

Hello Shiny New Year

I'm staring at 4 days off before the girl goes back to school. Seems like precious time and I feel more grateful for these rare days we can spend together. Distractions will rear their demanding little heads and I will fall for some of their ploys but I am hopeful that in my 38 years I have become wise to some of their tricks also.

A little success that I'm enjoying in the New Year is a clean kitchen every night. Taking the time to create the ritual of tidying our space and sharing the work amongst the 3 of us. Brilliant. Organization seems to be more achievable when one is busy, why is that? Necessity, perhaps? Whatever it is, it's good stuff and I'll take it.

Kia is seeming so grown up these days. She's handled a couple days being at home alone like a champ and truly is becoming more and more the young lady every day. Growing up. Feeling really grateful for this girl of mine and ever so blessed to have her and Russ in my world.

Diligence

This has been the most powerful word/attribute I have focused on yet. I honestly, feel like I could choose this every year and it would be the only thing I needed because it's vision is so all encompassing. What I really tried to work on with this attribute was finishing what I started. Seeing my work to completion. It helped me work more effectively and find more joy and satisfaction in the work I was doing.

I had thought about just doing it again, but then I realized I carry it with me as I move forward. Instead I'm challenging myself with an attribute that I struggle the most with. Faith. I struggle with faith, always have. I'm not one to put my trust in something so completely that I'm fine with whatever outcome comes my way. Nikki's a bit of a control freak. And I know exactly why. I have no backup plan. The day of my Father's funeral it hit me...you screw this up, nobody has room in their basement for you anymore. There is no home hearth to enjoy or open wallet to support any financial blunders I may make.

This acted like a bucket of ice water tossed on my faith. Sizzle, fizz, gone. Well, I wonder if it was more my hopefullness, but the two are so interconnected...whatever it was it froze right then. So I guess it all depends on my works. I've heard of the scripture, "faith without works is dead," but here I had created my own twisted version of, "work and forget about faith", because if you can't make it happen there is no point in trusting in some sunny tomorrow.

Ya, see, I need this.

I need to refocus on this attribute. Of course it's not all dried up, it's simply time to redefine some parts of it, accept and be grateful for how very blessed I am and continue moving forward.

The Pursuit of Creative Diligence

I was looking back over my art journey this year. It was interesting to see the lessons on the page...often from mistakes, and a willingness to make them. Diligence isn't about getting it right all along the way. It's not about perfection. It is the act of doing. Of getting up, and maybe doing something badly, but letting yourself persevere and turning down the volume on that judgmental voice inside your head that punishes you for trying in the first place.

I learned I can enjoy drawing a pregnant woman, and embrace all that is beautiful about this state of being, even if my own body rejects this state of being. My heart and mind still have a voice.
I learned that paint pulled across the page is powerful. That color feeds the soul.
Art teaches me that contrast is beautiful. Light is only truly great when it has darkness to provide a contrast to its brilliance.
I learned that sometimes it's fun to embrace the artistic ideas of another.
Art journaling doesn't need to make sense in mathematical ways to tell a story. A colorful bird can join journaling about a long winter and make total sense.
I learned that art heals my relationships and my grief.
I learned the joy of studying artists that I admire. Then I remember the joy of a white clean page all of my own.
Art and books remain two of my greatest loves...making a book for art = crazy blissed out Nikki.
I also learned that all pages are not meant to be simple. I look forward to more art mistakes and discoveries in 2012...

Christmas 2011

A lovely little Christmas was enjoyed by the three of us this year. Give me Christmas with many or few, I'm happy however it arrives.
It really seemed like so much to us, because it's been a tough few months. Maybe it seems even more satisfying when you know you had to really plan and save for the gifts and treats of Christmas.
I came across a great online deal at Amazon.ca on Black Friday for this Le Pan Google Android tablet. It was $160.00 with free shipping and I had an online coupon for 20% off the total price of that. I ordered it on the spot knowing I wouldn't find anything else that would be so affordable/awesome. Kia has LOVED it and both Russ and I have been pleased with it's properties and price.

Hope you are all enjoying the Christmas season. We've been playing games, watching many movies, reading magazines and doing art. We are finally getting out of our PJ's today and venturing out into the world to find some fun. Merry Christmas!!!